the girl with the dragon ball z tattoo
the girl with the dragon ball z tattoo
You know what? I need to get this off my chest.
I love the gaming community. So much. No matter how much sexism and misogyny there is against me as a female who plays video games. I will always love gaming, talking/blogging about games/etc. However, being a part of the gaming community has psychologically affected the way I play video games and how I view myself.
I grew up being idolized because I am an attractive female who plays video games and even to this day I receive that sort of attention from grown men. Even my own parents brag about “She’s not like other girls! She loves to play video games!” And men comment on my looks and gender in the same sentence as trying to talk video games with me.
You’re told you aren’t special because you’re a female who plays video games yet half of the guys in the gaming community try to treat me as such.
And when I started to realize that I had to ignore that sort of “positive” (which is actually negative) attention because, at least that is one thing they say that’s right. My gender doesn’t make me special because I play video games. That sort of attention is silly and embarrassing. My looks NOR my gender have anything to do with me being a gamer.
And then this brings me to the negative attention I’ve received as a female who plays video games. As I grew up and noticed just how harsh males can be against females in the gaming community, I started to feel like I had to validate myself that I AM someone who is just as worthy as being considered a gamer as any other male in the community.
I felt like I had to fight for that title because an attractive girl who plays video games? “no WAY!!” a girl that doesn’t play video games because her boyfriend does? “YEAH RIGHT.” A girl that plays video games period? “unbelievABLE!! PROVE YOURSELF!!!”
Like?? It’s ridiculous. And not only that but if I’m not special for being a female who plays video games, isn’t trying to make me validate myself just another twisted way of making me appear “special”? Because, you know, guys try to make it seem like it’s an exclusive club only men can be a part of.
And that honestly psychologically affected the way I play video games growing up. I have to beat games just to say I’ve played it so I don’t look like some sort of “casual female gamer” even if I didn’t particularly enjoy the game. I have to get more than just an Xbox 360 so I don’t look like a casual female CoD player on Xbox, etc. Like, the list goes on. At some point I even got competitive against other females who played video games because again, I felt like I had to prove myself and it was this huge game of insecurity and attention-seeking that majority of men in the gaming community inflicted on me.
And then when you try to validate yourself as a female who plays video games, you are told you’re attention-seeking and a fake, etc. Like what the fuck is wrong with you people? What more do you want from me? There is no winning.
Those are two sides to males in the gaming community. Every female has been exposed to both sides to this community, I’m sure. And I’m positive there are other women out there who have felt the way I have. The community is hypocritical and condescending in so many ways. It’s incredibly damaging and manipulative to be a female who plays video games in the gaming community.
It’s stupid, right? Especially stupid that I let it get to me, right? Yeah. I know that. But those days are long gone and I’ve learned to not let it get to me anymore.
I play because I’ve always viewed myself as a gamer since I was young and I don’t need anyone to tell me otherwise. I don’t need to validate myself anymore. I don’t need to feel accepted. Being surrounded by the gaming community my entire life, the psychological issues I’ve gone through in the past are hard to break and still time to time I wonder if I’m trying to validate myself. But I know better now and anyone who tries to tell me otherwise can get a big fuck you. And ladies, don’t let that shit get to you anymore if it’s still something you notice and struggle with. Just be yourself. Enjoy the games you play. Enjoy how hardcore or how casual of a gamer you feel. Just fucking have fun and tell people to fuck off if they try to piss on it.
just do what I do and be an unattractive girl gamer. life is so much easier